A Child's Personality Comes Mostly From Genes, Not The Home
Last updated Monday, September 19, 2005 10:12 PM CDT in Your Family
By Tom McMahon
Kid Tips
Special to The Morning News
Have you ever wondered how your children's distinctive individual qualities -- their personalities -- developed? Some parents, whose child doesn't act like others in the clan, might even speculate, "Where did this kid come from?"
To the surprise of many -- especially parents -- behavior geneticists have determined that a person's unique personality is mostly a dice roll of his parents' collective gene pool. Genetic influence is responsible for 40 percent to 50 percent of individual variations in personality traits. The home environment, parental and sibling influences altogether account for less than 10 percent.
In a 1987 edition of "The Behavioral and Brain Sciences," R. Plomin and D. Daniels wrote, "Two children in the same family (are on averag) as different from one another as are pairs of children selected randomly from the population." Other sources of influence from the environment include peers, early-childhood experiences, culture and even the prenatal environment. ("Nurture" begins in the womb.)
Of course, parents do matter. Psychologists credit parents for playing a huge role in instilling values, morals and responsibility, along with teaching the importance of discipline and education. And parental love, support and guidance are the keystones for a child's optimum development. A child's unique personality just makes the parental adventure a little more interesting.
• Our days of influence are numbered. At the end of a tough day, when the kids are finally in bed and I've got time to reflect, sometimes it hits me (especially after one of the more challenging days): The amount of time I have left with my oldest son before he goes off to college could be less than five years.
Believe me, it is a sobering wake-up call. Think back five years -- chances are, it doesn't seem like it was that long ago. And, with time going by faster, the older one gest, the next five years will be gone before he knows it.
I have found this to be a great way to put some perspective on how important it is to try to make every minute with him count -- and maybe let go of some of the stuff that really doesn't matter in the long run. Use the time you have left together to be a positive influence in your child's life. -- Brian K., Pleasanton, Calif.
• Special child of the week. To eliminate the need to remember which of my three boys gets a special privilege that can only be given to one child, I started the "Special Child of the Week." Each week, beginning Sunday, one of our boys becomes the "special child." Now there's no arguing about who will receive special privileges. -- L. Lippl, Vancouver, Wash.
• Locked tool box becomes medicine cabinet. After hearing about my friend rushing her 4-year-old daughter to the emergency room because she figured out how to open a childproof bottle of Tylenol, I bought a $9 toolbox to fill with our existing medicine bottles. If you put a combination lock on it, you can feel comfortable keeping it in the cupboard. It seems like a hassle, but is actually only a step or two more than opening your cupboard door. When the kids are old enough to know how to open a combination lock, they will also be old enough to know not to touch any medicine. -- Stephani Grant, Pleasanton, Calif.
• Encourage critical thinking. Children constantly ask "why?" questions. To encourage critical thinking, occasionally reply back with "What do you think?" or "What's your theory?" Always compliment their thinking and reasoning, and then follow up with the answer if it's different from theirs. -- Lynn S., St. Paul, Minn.
• Good manners are best learned. My daughter (who will be 5 in November) has been making her own thank-you "notes" since she was able to talk. Mostly, she does the dictating, and I do the writing. Then she adds her own artwork. The notes are sometimes silly, but the point always comes across: "Thank you for the gift." The recipients always appreciate her notes. Teaching proper manners at an early age helps these new behaviors seem like second nature as they get older. -- Carin Jensen, Citrus Heights, Calif.
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