The mysteries of love
Why are we inclined to stay bonded forever?
Last updated Saturday, February 10, 2007 7:30 PM CST in Living
By the editors of Real Simple magazine
Related Photos
Why does love hit you so hard? And why does one handsome stranger make your heart pound while another leaves you cold? Love has always been a mystery. But researchers now have some explanations -- many based on sophisticated brain-scanning techniques -- that shed light on how it works. Here, questions about love, partially demystified.
* What rules attraction? In general, you gravitate toward people like you. Good-looking people tend to go for similarly good-looking types, and those from a particular socioeconomic background favor their own. Experts believe this happens because perceived equality contributes to a stable union. Well-known actresses pair up with rock stars, for example, because such men tend to be as rich and famous as they are. But once you get past the bone structure and bank account and into personality attributes, opposites often attract.
"We're apt to fall in love with those who are mysterious and challenging to us," said Helen Fisher, a professor of anthropology at Rutgers and the author of "Why We Love." "This pull to another biological type could also be adaptive. If two very different people pool their DNA, they'll create more genetic variety, and their young will come to the job of parenting with a wider array of skills."
* How much do looks count? Physical features are important to both sexes, but a bit more so to men.
"During attraction, the parts of a man's brain associated with processing visual information are more active," said Louann Brizendine, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California at San Francisco and the author of "The Female Brain."
* Is love blind? Not exactly, but once you're hooked, your vision gets cloudy.
"When you're in a relationship, you're aware of the other person's flaws, but your brain is telling you it's OK to ignore them," said Lucy Brown, a professor of neuroscience at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine who specializes in the brain's response to love.
Recent studies at University College in London found that when romantic partners look at each other, the part of the brain associated with social assessment and negative emotion is relatively dormant and critical judgment is dulled. According to Fisher, this mechanism might have evolved to help people stick together through early, sometimes stressful, child-rearing stages.
* Can love be addictive? Love plays havoc with your body chemistry, causing you to act like an addict bent on scoring her next fix. Studies have found, for instance, that serotonin levels decrease by up to 40 percent in the newly smitten, causing some to show signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Additionally, cortisol, a stress hormone linked with the fight-or-flight response, is released, so you're constantly on high alert. Sound familiar?
Research published in 2005 by a team that included Brown and Fisher found that people who had recently fallen in love showed strong activity in the area of the brain that produces and receives dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with addictive behavior whose activity increases when you expect to receive a reward. Gamblers and drug addicts experience similar dopamine activity.
"You're not supposed to be satisfied," explained Fisher. "You're supposed to be driven, so that you can win the person and eventually stabilize your internal chemistry."
* What makes people commit? Humans are hardwired to stick together. Intimate relationships trigger the production of oxytocin and vasopressin, chemicals scientists have nicknamed "cuddle hormones." A mere touch from a loved one can elevate their levels, and after sex, they flood the system.
"We think of these hormones as playing an important role later on in the relationship," Brown said, "when you really know the person's flaws."
* Why do people cheat? Attraction, romantic love and attachment involve three overlapping but separate brain systems.
"It's not hard for somebody to sexually desire one person, be infatuated with another and still want to spend the rest of his or her life with a third," Fisher said.
Because each kind of love serves a unique need and exists in a different context, cheaters are able to divide their emotional resources. Fisher suspects the propensity to stray might be stronger in people who have novelty-seeking, dopamine-sensitive personalities. But factors unique to the relationship -- a need for attention, a desire to get out of the situation -- are just as likely to fuel infidelity.
* Can love affect your health? Research has found couples in good relationships tend to be healthier and happier.
"Happily married couples report lower stress than single people, in part because they provide each other with emotional support in difficult times," saod Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, a professor of psychiatry at Ohio State. "Lower stress translates to better health and immune function."
* What keeps people together? Hormones and hard work. Restlessness sets in one to two years into a relationship, according to new research from the Universities of Pavia and Pisa, in Italy. That's the period in which the chemical activity associated with new love (high dopamine, for example) dies down.
Fortunately, there are ways to keep the spark alive. Sexual contact drives up dopamine levels. Novelty does, too, which is why you tend to feel so good about somebody after taking a trip or going through an unusual experience together. Frequent physical contact is most likely to maintain elevated oxytocin levels, which is why holding hands, stroking your partner or any other kind of touch can create feelings of attachment.
Reader Comments (No comments posted.)
The following comments are provided by readers and are the sole responsibility of their authors. The Morning News does not review comments before their publication, nor do we guarantee their accuracy. By publishing a comment here you agree to abide by our comment policy. If you see a comment that violates our policy, please notify the web editor.
Not already registered?
