It Takes a Village to Raise a Teenager
Last updated Monday, October 6, 2008 5:34 PM CDT in Your Family
By Tom McMahon
tom@kidtips.com
It is quite common for teenagers to have a low opinion of their parents. Mark Twain was no exception: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learnt in seven years."
Teens often perceive their parents as stupid and old-fashioned, while their parents' friends remain smart (but not to their own kids). Children benefit when they have one or more adults besides their parents who are positive role models and who exemplify good family values. The other adults could be relatives, teachers, religious or scout leaders, coaches, family friends or even neighbors.
These adults can play a significant role in the lives of our children. Besides reinforcing family values, they can be a confidant to our children, especially during adolescence, when kids need someone to talk to besides their parents. And in some situations, the opinions of these adults carry more weight with teens than those of their own parents, as these other adults are perceived as being more objective and sometimes more credible. Parents, don't fret. You will be smart again in a few years.
In the meantime, take advantage of this sage advice from our first contributor:
Drop Everything
Listen to your teenager. Drop whatever you are doing, even if it's important, whenever your child tells you that she needs to talk to you. -- Linda R., Lincoln, Neb.
Not With Grandma
Periodically, our granddaughters stay with us for a weekend. Approximately one year ago, the oldest began to have tantrums. My wife very calmly said to her, "That does not work with Grandma," and the tantrums stopped. During a recent stay, our youngest granddaughter began to tantrum, and her sister said to her, "That does not work with Grandma," and the tantrum ended. It worked for us, and it may work for you. -- G.M., Fremont, Calif.
Put Them on Display
Our daughter gives us copies of the grandchildren's school photos each year, and we always display them in our living room, putting the most recent in front of past years. One day as I was installing the latest photo, I thought it was a waste to "hide" those past photos, so I put them into a montage in a poster frame on my hall wall, a separate frame for each child. It's wonderful to look at those outdated photos of our grandchildren as they progressed through the years -- we enjoy them every time we walk down the hall. And the grandchildren love to see themselves on display. Our guests, too, enjoy seeing the photos, many saying, "We should do that!" -- Barbara, Livermore, Calif.
Twin Bed
The trick that enabled an easy transition from baby bed to twin bed for our 2-year-old was to use a twin bed for naps. After getting used to napping in the big bed for two weeks, she adjusted immediately to sleeping in her big bed at night. Slow transitions help kids overcome new situations. -- J.H., Frankfort, Ind.
Loose Tooth
As a kid, I would gently chew a small piece of caramel whenever I had an extremely loose tooth. It usually worked like a charm to pull out the tooth. -- Matt Rogers, Milpitas, Calif.
Every parent has a favorite parenting tip. Send yours to tom@kidtips.com.
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