Effort Expended On Children Will Reap Benefits For Decades
Last updated Monday, November 17, 2008 4:42 PM CST in Your Family
By Tom McMahon
Special to THE MORNING NEWS
Eric Erickson, the renowned developmental psychologist, proposed that every stage of life offers a challenge. The last stage — late adulthood — is about reconciling with our past. There are two possible results: The positive outcome is feeling content with the choices of the past, and the negative outcome is having major regrets about one’s life. The first group is where we hope to be later in life, but it takes time and effort.
The haunting words in the song “Cat’s in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin remind us that “intention” does not always lead to action. “When you coming home, Dad?” the song asks. “I’m gonna be like you, Dad ... You know we’ll have a good time then.” But they never do.
Time spent together, parent and child, is all we need to make memories. The effort expended on your young children and teens will reap benefits for decades and beyond. Don't sweat the small regrets; we all make mistakes, but avoid the major regrets that have a lasting impact.
Send in your favorite parenting tip. Thanks to the parents who sent in a tip this week.
Whenever there is a choice between doing a household chore and doing something special with one of your children, hang out with your kid. No one will remember your clean windows or folded clothes, but your kid will remember the time spent with you. Whenever I have an opportunity to hang out with my kids, my wife says, “Go make a memory!” — Leo R., Bremerton, Wash.
Pay By The Mile
My father came up with a fair and equitable way for his teenagers to share the costs of operating the family car. He would check the odometer before we left and again when we returned, and he charged us a nominal fee per mile that we had driven. That covered the cost of gas, oil, maintenance and insurance. We thought twice before driving someplace without a real purpose in mind, and cruising was out of the question. — B.B., Bountiful, Utah
Cyber Bullying
If your child is a victim of cyber bullying, report it immediately to school officials and the police. Get a new phone number and e-mail address, and tell your child not to share it with anyone. Cyber bullying is one of the meanest things that could happen to a child or teen. The sooner the bullying is discovered, the better the outcome. — M.H., El Paso, Texas
Indoor Tent For Rainy Day
The best activity that promotes creative play and keeps my two young children occupied on a rainy or snowy day is to set up my small backpacking tent in the living room. A large sheet or blanket draped over a table also works. They crawl inside with their sleeping bags, pillows, flashlights, books, toys and games, play make-believe “camping” and sleep inside it at night. — D.L.R., Denver
Family Laundry System
I have three tall laundry hampers in my laundry room: one for darks, one for lights and one for whites. The kids, my husband and I all put our clothes in the right one each evening or morning, so when one is full, I throw in a load and get it done right away. There is no looking all through the house, and the kids know that if it’s not in the hamper, it won’t be washed. — M.S., Salt Lake City
Send parenting tips to tom@kidtips.com or write to Kid Tips, 888 Seventh Ave., New York, NY 10019. Tom McMahon is a syndicated columnist, college professor and author.
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