Imaginary Conversation Tackles Gay Rights
Last updated Friday, December 26, 2008 9:45 PM CST in Religion
By Rabbi Jacob Adler Special To The Morning News
You’ve got to have a good imagination to be a member of the clergy. Why, just the other day I had a visit from my imaginary friend, the Rev. Farnsworth G. McGillicuddy. I was hard at work in my office, when he opened the door and walked in — which was surprising, seeing as he just could have materialized out of thin air.
“Brother Farnsworth! Great to see you!”
“Blessings, Brother Jacob! Always a pleasure.” I gestured toward the guest’s chair, and he sat down.
I could see something was bothering him. After some chit-chat, it came out.
“Brother Jacob, what do think of that new law in California banning gay marriage?”
“Well, Brother Farnsworth, you know my denomination’s position. What do you think?” (I knew he was just waiting to be asked that question.)
“Well, I’m pleased that it passed, but they didn’t go nearly far enough. They really should have stood up and defended the Biblical idea of marriage. But they were chicken, and wimped out.”
“The Biblical idea of marriage — you mean, one man, one woman, freely joined together, ‘til death do us part?”
He gave me a pitying look. “What Bible have you been reading? Wait, don’t answer! I know you read it in Hebrew, so you should know better than that.”
I silently raised my eyebrows and nodded, signaling for him to go on.
“Tell me, how many wives did the Biblical Jacob have?”
“Two, or maybe four — it depends on how you count.”
“And Elkanah?”
“Two — Hannah and Peninah.”
“And Solomon?”
“Seven hundred. I get the point. Back then, a man could marry as many women as he could sweet-talk into marrying him.”
He gave me another pitying look. “Now, Brother Jacob, you know it wasn’t a matter of sweet talk at all, unless it was the girl’s father who was on the receiving end. Back then, a man went to a girl’s father and bought her from him to be his wife. He could have as many as he could afford.”
“What if she didn’t want to marry him?”
“Well, she could probably talk her father out of the deal — but if he insisted, she had no choice.”
“Don’t forget about the concubines.”
“That’s right! Reproductive slave girls.”
“So you’re saying we should re-introduce slavery?”
“Of course! It’s in the Bible. But, you know, it’s just for women.”
“Brother Farnsworth, I don’t think you could get that one passed, even in California.”
“Well, no — I was thinking more of Arkansas. It’s right here in the middle of the Bible belt, and, the way things have been going lately, it seems that Arkansawyers will say yes to any proposition on the ballot.”
“Well,” I said, “good luck.”
“Why thank you, Brother Jacob,” he replied, missing the irony in my tone of voice.
“But, you know, I think you’re trying to get the government to do your work for you,” I added. “It’s your job to preach and convince people of what you believe. You want to take the lazy route and just get the state to enforce your religious views for you.”
“Well, sure! Why not? — If they’ll agree to it.”
“I’ll tell you why not. Aren’t you the one who says the government messes up anything it gets its hands on? Do you really think government bureaucrats would do a good job of interpreting and enforcing your views?”
Farnsworth began to fidget. I seemed to have gotten to him. “Well, Brother Jacob, it’s been good talking with you, but I gotta go and collect signatures,” he said, but that was clearly a pretext to leave my company.
With a wave of the hand he dematerialized. I hope he’s thinking about it.
Rabbi Jacob Adler is the leader of Temple Shalom of Northwest Arkansas and a professor of philosophy at the University of Arkansas. Contact him at jadler@uark.edu.
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